Early day tomorrow but I just can't get to sleep. When one suffers from insomnia it's due to 2 reasons. 1- slept too much. 2-thinking about silly stuff. For my case, it's probably both. Good job for waking up at almost 1 today. And it doesn't help when cute declarations like "I am worthless" keeps drifting across my consciousness. Death is no joke, but really, I feel like hurling myself out of the window right now. If I don't die now, I'd probably die within a few years cos I probably can't even file for graduation. And even if I manage to graduate, I probably can't find a job anyway, and I'll die a lonely death on the streets amongst stray cats and plastic bags. 

And you know what is the worst thing? I studied. Okay 1 week isn't exactly enough, but I studied. And whining about having to teach and cope with piano is just a feeble excuse. What really is the problem is my lousy time management skills and my woolly brain. There's so much wool that I can knit sweaters for the whole of Soviet Union before 1991. It's very frustrating, really, to be so blur. All the time. Nothing vague there, and I'm not even trying to talk like how I always do. I hate it. Period. Sometimes people think it's funny, yes i think so too, but being amused and feeling abhorred by myself can coexist. And the self amusement sometimes eggs on the disgust. Okay, the best piece of advice is probably, "Then don't be so blur lah". Wah like I can control like that. "Notice your surroundings more lah". Yeah I do, but I notice the different things. I can't pretty much be good at anything, except this- look like I'm listening, thought I'm really listening, but I'm in fact not registering what's spoken. Front desk staff went on a scuba diving holiday to the Maldives again. And the best thing? It's always unconscious, until I shake myself awake and realised that I was only pretending to listen all along. It's unintentional. I swear. I'm not being deliberately rude, and uncaring, or stand-offish, but sometimes it just happens. And it's so embarrassing to keep asking people to repeat their sentences. 

Pardon??

Sorry?

Huh

HUH!

what????

Or just plain staring and blinking to annoy the hell of the speaker.

And who cares if it's unintentional?

Just like who cares if I slogged hard for my studies.