I am typing this without my spectacles and it's a rather amusing experience. Though the amusing part is more of like later on, when I look back at all tthe silly typo errors. And I am going to publish this, un edited. The Draft of the draft. 

Despite some unfortunate incidents today, I managed to join day 1 of o week! Hmmm it was fun, overall I guess. Much can be improved though, on how to rah rah the freshies. Somehow, I feel rather shamed when all the councillors came together during our little debrief and when everyone commented on how the freshies are kind of reserved, shy, and afriad to lose their "glam side". Gee. I was one of them not too long ago. I can't really remember what changed me, though, I guess being with a different crowd helps, but along the way, the gradul opening of my mindset helped to get rid of my fear of erm, getting intimidated by certain kinds of people. I'm really grateful for my current OG cos everyone seems really accepting, and honest! Not that my prevous OG wasn't , but I guess there is just this little fear in me when I face people with a certain calibre. And I will uncounsciously tuck myself away in a corner, and constantly jack myself for being sch a hypocritical hermit. 

MAnaged to procure the reading lists for my lit modules today and I can barely skim through them without muttering a few explicits under my breath. Bloody hell. I think I will die a ohrrible death this semester, and perhaps, get kicked out of school, or murder my prof along the way and then hurl myself off AS 5 BECAUSE.

I have so many insercurities. I kept ttelling myself that it's okay, just work hard and  shred the result slips. But, really, results do matter. Especially to someone with such a awful amount of pride. I just don't think I can handle Lit and so WHY IN THE WORLD AM I TAKING IT AS AMAJOR????

THe mor epeople comment about how un-literaturish I am, the more panicky I get. Though some of them meant it as a compliment, like I' don't randomly sprout some weird logic that automatically zips everyone's lips- lsocially awkward figures- but... hey, I'd rather be socially awkward and kind of like, conform. Because  the tide of self doubt can drown the few drops of glimmering hope that I can somehow do well,and  prove myself to be a true lit student. 

I feel like crying now, and it's barely even one week before semester starts.