After a bit of self-reflection, I've finally churned out the most important new year resolution: simply, to start being nice. And most importantly to keep my criticisms to myself if there's a need to shut up. Sometimes I think i blabber so much that, well, things that I don't actually mean tumbles out in package stamped MEANIE across it. So there, nice. So simple, so vague, so undefined. 

And I swear I will start studying. No more cramming in the week before exams. God. I still feel like stabbing myself everything the topic of results crop out. And run away because... That would mean I don't have to face anyone. I feel so worthless. I feel so lost. I don't know what I want, I can't imagine myself actually having an occupation in the future, I doubt I can live beyond 20. 

Maybe my perceptions are too myopic. There are multiple roles in life, other than being a student. But what is making me so miserable is knowing that I've failed terribly as a friend and family recently. And reparations are nonetheless reparations. The amount of coal germany paid to western europe isn't going to change the fact that hitler killed 6 million jews during the war. 

Moping is cathartic if there is an end to it.