I'm trying not to let the thoughts get to me. I'm trying to be optimistic. I ate a sunny side up today. I didn't yell at the kids. Okay I pulled a long face during my own music class today because it was so damn early and my body functions were still asleep. I think they wake up at about 1pm. 

Anyway, yesterday was my first attempt at you know what. And it didn't go well at all. It sucked, in fact. I was sprouting gibberish and acting like some... overexcited school girl. And it was just plain frustrating. Not embarrassing, but frustrating. Really. I wanted to kill myself on the spot. I can't be myself. Heck, I don't even know what's myself. Myself. Is that something worrying? I think so. I should talk more about what I like, what I discovered today so as to at least understand myself. When I stare into the mirror, I see only a ghost. It's the dark eye circles :( I bought this eye creme from bodyshop recently. It's some aloe vera thing, that is supposed to soothe the tired skin and it better work. Such a weeny bottle and it cost close to 30 bucks? I can't remember. I don't even know why I bought it. But I quite like bodyshop's stuff though. They are usually in neat, small, colourful bottles (though the eye creme was just in a normal white bottle) but YEAH. I go crazy over the soap. It's pure eye candy. Madness. I have absolutely no eye candy in school but bodyshop soap qualifies as one. I might just marry a bottle of liquid soap. 

On a final note, I don't know if I should talk things over. Or pretend nothing changed. I feel guilty enough, but as a friend pointed out, my _ was genuine. And it was to be respected. But... it was so obviously my own problem. The criminal goes to jail, not the victim. Even the guy swallowed 67 condoms stuffed with cocaine admitted to his crime... Why shouldn't I?