Just a short breather before I head back to work. I feel like crying. I am so tired, but there is more work to do. Exhaustion is not an option. And it is not like I did not sleep enough. I sleep like 7 hours a day? But I still doze off almost every chance I get. Anywhere, except at night when I'm supposed to sleep. Needless to say, I'm terribly stressed. Over school and the endless readings. And projects that are coming up. And GERMAN which is really killing me. I swear it is got to be the most AWFUL LANGUAGE to learn. EVER. With all its disgusting exceptions, special considerations... I don't know if I'm even able to pass this semester. And my theory? In the pits. The exam is in March. And I just don't have enough time to practise. I wish someone will be there for company. But it seems like... almost everyone thinks that I'm giving myself this unnecessary stress. Perhaps. It's not like it's the end of the world if I flunk my theory. Just a few thousand dollars down the drain, and even if i DO pass, the cert is just... paper. How am I going to teach my students?? I'm scared that I will screw up their interest in music. I am not an interesting person. I'm afraid I don't know how to make the lesson enjoyable. I try, but... at the end of the day, it's really not about being able to play well just by being "interested". Especially if there's exams to be considered. It's a dreary thing, practice. I don't know how to make them understand by not sounding like a puritan. And this is where it is my fault. After much thought, I still have to put the blame on myself because ultimately, it is the teacher who has to guide them uphill. I try to give as much encouragement as I can, but I still feel that I'm nowhere near "good enough". Sigh, didn't I promise myself to be strong? To be able to take it no matter what. I guess I'm just tired. And scared about -. Honestly, I'm scared! I really don't want to go, but super last minute paiseh because of such reasons is just cheap. I need some motivation ):