It has just finally dawned onto me how seriously I've screwed myself up. While I was all hyped up just now, searching for solutions, complaining, whining to my friends, but it never occurred to me how I've singlehandedly wrecked my whole freaking life. 

Okay, now that's better. Dramatise the situation so much that it's not realistic anymore. But step out of the room for one minute to see my mom's black face looming over me, that's it. I'll start breaking out in tears again. I don't know what kind of reaction I expect from her. From friends. Is it better to put all the blame on myself (oh wait, no need, my mom already did) for being such a blur twit, or tell myself that I can't help but being blur? But... I have already took all necessary precautions this sem! I've checked my timetable, location, even heck, even the seat number way before the start of exams. And now this has to happen. I don't feel angry with myself, my mom can do that for both of us already, I just hate myself. I hate myself for being stupid, for being weak, for not being able to look out for myself. For my inaptitude. Inconsideration, and for making people lie on my behalf. I hate myself for bothering my friends. I hate myself to always impose on them, and sometimes I do think they find me a trouble. And I wish that if they did, they could say it and I will stay away. And I hate myself for not handling the situation properly. Go and die weizheng, you deserve to be, it's all your fault.