I've been feeling so restless recently, which made me almost want to start jogging again. I feel as if an invisible hand is pulling my nerves like the strings of a puppet, but the more I try to run from it, the more painful the jerks get. 

Feeling bored and restless are two different emotions. Almost contradictory ones. And I've been feeling them both simultaneously recently. 

It's time to seriously learn something new. I was contemplating dance, but I'm sooo fat it's almost impossible. Sigh, so depressing. I think I've grown fatter these past few days not that I've been eating a lot but... I feel fatter. Yes, fat is an emotion too. 

Anyway, I was watching this documentary about the largest aquarium in the world. It's actually at Valencia, Spain, and it has this amazing architecture shaped like a dome. I think. I don't know, I was only looking at the fishes. The show is about how this spanish guy, Paolo (reminds me of the honkie bread, bolo bao) planned the whole aquarium exhibit, from deciding what marine animals to display, and which of them get to stay together, and they showed real footage of people capturing the fish from open sea and importing them to the aquarium. And the whole process is so distressing. Though I doubt it was meant to be, as the co

mmentator kept insisting (defensively) that the marine animals would have a good life in the aquarium because their new home is thoughtfully modeled after their natural habitat. 

But REALLY? How can anything artificial look, or feel like the real thing? How can a small, enclosed area be comparable to a vast open space? I mean, it's got to be pretty obvious when the fish realise at some point when they bump their fins against a solid surface. And that's when they finally understand that they are trapped. And their entire life will be spent staring at the same colourful scaly plastic bobs that are supposed to be corals. (Fyi, the corals are artificial too cos apparently real corals actually compete with each other produce some detrimental chemical or some sort so they decided to use wholly fake corals. Or something like that) What if they are separated from their family? Like in finding nemo. Sigh, going to the underwater world has always been a depressing experience. I remembered feeling very disturbed when I saw the seahorses shut in the extremely tiny tank. Alone. Imagine how it feels. That was quite a few years back, in primary school, but I can still vividly remember the poor seahorse that wasn't moving. It wasn't even bopping around like it should. What for? A few bops and it would reach the other side o

f the minuscule tank. If I were the seahorse, I'd stay still too. 

But then again, I guess they are somewhat saved from the merciless biological foodchain and the predators of sea. Like this beluga whale, which is absolutely the cutest, friendliest animal in the whale (See how its mouth is naturally shaped into a smile! Isn't that the most adorable thing?). Apparently there was this pregnant mother and her kid that were swimming to its seasonal feeding grounds. Their destination was really far away, and the kid was getting really tired but 

they couldn't stop cos there was this gang of killer whales stalking them. But the kid was just a baby, and it started lagging behind the mother cos it was soo exhausted. And that was when the killer whales started circling the baby, separating it from its mother and... well you can guess the conclusion. 

So, which is better? I guess living a natural and meaningful life in open, though dangerous waters, beats a languid albeit safe existence. And it's the same for us. Life gets tough sometimes, but we are still free (except from death and paying taxes), but STILL. At least we are not cooped up like those poor seahorses, or chickens and pigs in intensive farms. We live to die, not live to be food for others, and without such burdens, we are at liberty to choose even our manner of death... most of the time.