Just one little sentence from him and it ruined my entire night. Sure, I admit it. I felt jealous when I saw the both of them playing some stupid card game together. I can't help but reminisce about how it used to be just the both of us. Besides, how can she and I replace each other that easily? 

Then, he said it. "We are playing some intellectual game. You will never understand". I might be paranoid. He's probably joking. But I thought I sensed a tinge of bitterness. As if he was trying to hurt me on purpose, by meaning what he said, just because I've been hostile towards her. Almost like he was trying to get back at me. Mocking the image his sister the mugger mugging muggingly in her muggy little room. Refusing contact with the outside world. Having absolutely no life at all. Alright, so be it. Doesn't change the fact though I have been doing everything except studying... If that's how he wishes to see me, and he wishes for her to see me, fine. I don't care. 

What I do care is how he can bring me down just like that. It scares me how much I want him to stay and be a gor gor forever. Because I feel like I'm losing him, to someone whom I feel like... I can't acknowledge as an older sister. But the other way round instead. I guess that's why I feel like I am being replaced. 

Or am I just being arrogant, like what my mom says? Probably a little. Despite my struggling self esteem. But then, it's not as if I'm hollering that I'm damn smart and I'm an undergrad with a dolby surround. I'm not smart. I wish I could say I am, but I'm not. I mugged my way across the education system and I'm trying to continue mugging my way through to the finish line. And the fact that I can no longer study like I used to, means that I'm way behind people who actually has brains. People who have the mental tenacity to play intellectual games. Happy? Now will they stop inflicting their inferiority complexes on me? 

Or am I, on them?